


Bluebird

by Anonymous



Series: Contact [1]
Category: Arctic Monkeys, Last Shadow Puppets
Genre: BDSM, Consensual Kink, Dom/sub, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Spanking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-04
Updated: 2019-11-04
Packaged: 2021-01-22 14:57:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21303977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Miles needs some help to piece himself back together.
Relationships: Miles Kane/Alex Turner
Series: Contact [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1681258
Comments: 11
Kudos: 58
Collections: Anonymous





	Bluebird

The apartment is dark despite the fact that Miles asked him - no, told him to come over less than thirty minutes ago. Alex lets himself in and closes the door behind him with a gentle click. He toes off his shoes and proceeds down the hallway on socked feet. He tries the living room first, half expecting to find Miles sprawled out on the sofa, surrounded by empty junk food cartons and the odd beer bottle. He’s not on the sofa, but the large television on the wall across from it is still on, its bright glare illuminating the room. There’s a panel show on and the infectious laughter of the audience sounds through the otherwise quiet apartment. Alex opens the curtains first, letting in the sombre November daylight, then turns off the TV and pads back into the hallway.

The bedroom’s next, but there’s no sign of Miles amongst the mess of blankets, pillows and wrinkled articles of clothing. There’s a leopard print Fred Perry tracksuit jacket with the tags still on. Alex picks it up, zips it open and can’t help a smile when the familiar ‘Miles Kane’ tag on the inside of the collar becomes visible. He shrugs off his zip-up hoodie and exchanges it for the jacket. It makes him feel a tad more confident, which is good. Today is one of those days where he’s going to need all the confidence he can get; where _Miles_ is going to need all the confidence that he can get.

Not the bedroom, then. It’s probably for the best, as it means that Alex can prepare the room in peace. He leaves the curtains closed but turns on the light. He collects all the articles of clothing, folding them up and putting them away in the large chest of drawers on the other end of the room. He makes the bed, fluffs the pillows and goes into the ensuite bathroom to fill a glass with water, which he puts on the nightstand on the left side of the bed. He opens the drawer of the nightstand on the right and takes out various objects, which he lays out on top of it. They rarely use them, but Miles keeps them on hand anyway. Alex isn’t sure whether it’s flattering or worrying. Either way, he lays them out and casts a quick glance around the room to make sure it’s tidy and welcoming enough. Before leaving, he turns on the small bedside lamps and turns off the big ceiling lamp. Its cold glare is replaced by a warmer glow, illuminating the bed but not much more of the room. Alex is already looking forward to basking in that glow with Miles tucked safely against his chest after they do what needs to be done.

But it needs to be done, first. He knocks on the door of the study, alerting Miles to his arrival, then lets himself in. There aren’t any lights on here either, and Alex stands in the doorway until his eyes get accustomed to the dark. He hears Miles’ shaky exhale before he spots him, but the sound makes him take a few careful steps towards the sofa he knows is in the corner of the room. He blinks, then watches the shadowy shape on said sofa be revealed to him bit by bit, as his eyes get used to the darkness completely. Miles is awake. He has one knee pulled up to his chest and both arms are wrapped around his shin, pressing his leg flush to his upper body. His eyes sparkle in the darkness and once they find Alex’ gaze, they don’t let go of it. For a moment, Alex lets his nervousness gets the best of him, and he hesitates. Miles isn’t Miles on days like these, not entirely at least, and it requires a massive amount of self-awareness and poise from Alex’s side to help Miles navigate his way back to his usual self. A deep breath, and Alex bridges the rest of the distance to the sofa. He comes to a halt right in front of Miles’ legs.

“Al,” Miles croaks, and he smiles a crooked little smile. “Didn’t hear you come in.” His eyes seem bigger than they usually are, or maybe that’s just because the shine in his pupils reflects so much want - no, so much _need_ for what he knows only Alex can and will give him.

“Hi, baby.” Alex is contented with the way his drawl sounds both soothing and authoritarian. It doesn’t come easy, that tone. None of this comes natural to him. It does to Miles - that is, when Miles is himself and needs to take care of Alex instead of vice versa, but to Alex it’s always been something that requires copious amounts of pretending that he knows what he’s doing until a switch flips and he truly does know what he’s doing. It usually takes him a while to find his footing, but Miles needs him to and they both know he’ll get there eventually - more or less, anyway. He’s not by far as good at taking charge as Miles is.

He sits down next to Miles. Not only does the empty, alien glint in his friend’s eyes make him look completely unlike himself; his appearance is much too haggard for Miles on any other day. The dirty blond hair is sticking out at odd angles, the shirt he’s wearing is old and shapeless and he’s wearing a pair of faded jeans that have seen better times. His feet are bare and he’s not wearing any of his rings. His chain isn’t even around his neck.

Miles doesn’t look at him this time, which isn’t a good sign. He does turn his head, but fixes his gaze on Alex’s chest instead. He doesn’t say anything about the stolen Fred Perry jacket, which is also not the best of signs.

“Do you want to tell me what brought this on?”

Miles shakes his head. Later, then.

“That’s, fine,” Alex says, reaching out a hand to lay it gently against Miles upper arm. He only uses his fingertips at first, then splays them out and gently presses his palm to Miles’ bicep. He squeezes softly. “I’m proud of yeh for textin’ me, Miles. Just so you know.” After all, he knows how much effort it takes Miles to text him in situations like these. Not only does it require him to get over his pride, which isn’t always an easy feat in his case; it also requires him to convince himself to put Alex in a position he doesn’t feel entirely comfortable in. They’ve talked about that before, and Alex has made it clear that it’s fine. He doesn’t _mind_ doing it; he just worries he’s not capable of doing it well enough. Miles would do and has done the same for him, much more often than Alex has for Miles, and it’s always wonderful. The last thing Alex wants is to not be able to return the favour. He wants Miles to be Miles again.

“I’m goin’ to need you get up,” Alex says, and then something occurs to him. “Come on, up you get,” he repeats, a little stricter this time; a little surer of himself along with the realisation of what should be next. Miles does as he’s told. Even his movements aren’t like him. They’re neither smooth nor energetic as they ought to be. Instead, they make him look more like a jumpy wooden doll, wobbling on its feet.

“Come stand in front of me,” Alex commands. “And tell me your safe word, please.”

Miles doesn’t even roll his eyes. “Crispy,” he says flatly, sucking all the fun out of that one word, and Alex arches an eyebrow.

“Very well. You’ll use it as soon as you feel you need to. I’m not trying to test how tough you are, so if I do anything at all that makes you uncomfortable, you tap out immediately. Am I making myself clear, Miles?”

“Crystal,” Miles mutters.

Alex nods. “Good.” He’s feeling a bit more confident than he expected to. It’s a relief. “Switch on the light for me, Miles,” he says. Miles looks confused for a moment, which Alex finds strangely intriguing, but then turns and flips the light switch. They spend the next few seconds squinting against the harsh light, but once their vision has cleared, Alex nods. “Thank you. Now, I want you to undress for me.”

Miles gives him another wary look. It isn’t usually like this. Alex is painfully aware that he's used to being taken to the bedroom right away, where Alex gets him out of his head through trial and error. But not tonight, Alex decides. He can do better tonight. There’s something about the wild, desperate glint in Miles’ eyes that commands Alex to do better, and he will. He owes Miles that much. “I told you to undress,” he repeats. “If we’re doing this, you’re going to need to listen to me. _Properly_. Take off the shirt, first.”

Miles finally moves at that. He lifts his shirt up over his head and tosses it aside. Alex gives him a curt shake of his head. “None of that. Fold it up and give it to me. We don’t want this room to end up looking like your bedroom.”

“Al - “ Miles breathes out, giving him an incredulous look. At any other time it would be enough to make Alex doubt his decision, but not today. He knows he’s more than right to do what he’s doing. He doesn’t repeat himself, just waits, and watches with satisfaction when Miles bends down to pick up the shirt. He folds it with unsteady hands, then holds it out to Alex, a grim smile on his lips. Alex smiles back just for the hell of it and sets the shirt aside. He gestures for Miles to proceed and Miles does. The jeans come off first and Miles folds them neatly albeit begrudgingly, before handing those to Alex, too. Last are the shorts, and Miles repeats the process. Alex sets the neat pile of clothing aside on the corner of the sofa but doesn’t get up just yet. He lets his languid gaze travel over Miles’ body, starting at his shoulders and moving slowly downwards. “Turn around for me, baby. Slowly,” he murmurs, twirling his finger in the air.

Miles lets out a huff. “_Alex_. I swear, if - ”

Alex clicks his tongue. “Don’t,” he warns. “We won’t even make it to the bedroom if you keep that tone with me. I’ll put you over me knee right here on the sofa and I won’t even _think_ of helping you out until your arse is nice and bruised, do you understand me, Miles?”

Miles _shivers_. The satisfaction Alex feels at that catches him by surprise. There’s something strangely exciting about getting under Miles’ skin like that. “I asked you something,” he says, his tone just a tiny little bit gentler this time. “Do you understand?”

Miles licks his lips. For a moment Alex thinks he forgot how to speak entirely. But then there it is, unsteady and uncertain: “Yes, Alex.”

Miles turns on the spot, slowly, giving Alex all the time in the world to simply look at him, to drink in his body and decide what’s next. He smiles at Miles once they’re facing each other again, then gets up. “Hands behind your back,” he commands, and Miles, even though he lets out another offended huff, does as he’s told. Alex nods his approval, then reaches out to touch. He touches Miles’ jaw and lets his fingers travel downwards, over his neck. He squeezes gently, not doing enough by far to cut off Miles’ air supply, but doing enough to make it very clear to Miles who’s in charge tonight.

Miles tips his chin slightly upwards and presses into the touch, so Alex lets his hand linger. He runs gentle fingers up the sides of Miles’ neck before squeezing again. Miles gasps, his eyes falling closed, and Alex smiles. He isn’t sure what makes him do it, but he finds himself unclasping his own chain from his neck and wrapping it around Miles’ neck instead. Miles' eyes fly open - they haven’t done this before - and he finally dares to meet Alex’s gaze as Alex fastens the clasp. He pulls, making Miles stoop forward inelegantly, and laughs a little as Miles finds his balance, resting part of his weight on the foot he now has in front of him, in between Alex’ feet. Alex plants a feather-light kiss to his cheek. His hand travels over Miles’ chest and over his flat stomach. He only pulls back when his fingertips meet pubic hair. Miles hums in protest. When Alex looks up at him, he’s closed his eyes again and he’s leaning slightly forward - not because Alex is pulling on the chain, but because he’s trying to get further into Alex personal space, almost brushing their cheeks together. “Al…”

“I know, Miles,” Alex whispers, pressing a second kiss to his cheek. “I’ll get yeh there. You’ll be feeling like you again before you know it. You know why?”

He feels rather than sees Miles shake his head, and smiles. “Because I’m with yeh,” he murmurs, lips touching the shell of Miles’ ear. “Yer in safe 'ands. I’ll put you together again, but not before I’ve pried you apart, Miles, baby. Not before I’ve got you sobbing into all those fluffy pillows on your bed.” He moves his fingertips up and down over Miles’ pecks. He can’t seem to stop smiling. “I’m going to take you apart, piece by piece, until you don’t think you can take it anymore, until you’re _begging_ me to stop, and then I’ll build you back up. You mark my words, baby.”

Miles’ inhale sounds more like a sniff, and Alex nods. “Sound good, don’t it. I think you’re ready. You're gorgeous, Miles. I can’t wait to mark you up.” Miles’ eyes glint hopefully at that and Alex, celebrating his newly found confidence, places his lips over the spot on Miles neck he knows is particularly sensitive, and sucks. He isn’t gentle, and when he removes his lips Miles’ neck is sporting a lovely red blotch. Miles watches him, his eyes dark. “Alex,” he says. ”Please. You’re - ”

Alex interrupts him. “Be patient. I know what I’m doing, babeh. It’s only going to get worse from here on, let me tell you that.” Miles whimpers and reaches out for him, but Alex catches his wrist mid-air. “I explicitly told you to keep them behind your back. Can’t even keep your hands to yerself when I tell you to.” He shakes his head. “I think it’s about time we went into the bedroom. Lead the way, hands behind your back.” He squeezes Miles’ shoulder hard and Miles draws in a breath between clenched teeth.

The bedroom is cosy, tidy and warm, yet Alex can see Miles shiver as they walk in. “Looks better than it did before, don’t it,” he drawls, putting a hand on Miles’ shoulder and leading him to the bed. He sits Miles down on the edge of it, facing him. “Let me tell you what’s going to happen,” he says, his gaze darting from Miles to the objects on the nightstand. Miles’ eyes widen as he picks up a black, velvety blindfold. “I’m going to use this on you tonight. I know that’ll be a new for yeh, but I can promise from experience that it’ll be worth it.”

Miles nods shakily and Alex is surprised to note that his hands are still behind his back, as if they were held together by something. Maybe Miles is keeping them there to encourage him, but maybe, just maybe tonight _is_ different. Maybe Miles really is in good hands tonight. Alex smiles and, for the first time that evening, presses his lips to Miles’s. He draws it out, letting them linger. He feels them tingle pleasantly as he brushes them over Miles’ parted lips, barely touching, just grazing over them ever so lightly. Miles whimpers and Alex has to pull back to make sure he doesn’t lose control of himself.

“You’re okay,” he promises those almost empty yet anxious eyes. “You’re okay, Miles. I love you and I’ve got you. Lie down for me now, love, alreyt? You can move yer arms. Just make yourself comfortable.”

Miles does as he’s told. He stretches out in the middle of the bed and, after a quick glance at the nightstand, puts his arms up above his head. Alex chuckles dryly and reaches for the cuffs that clearly caught Miles’ attention. “There you go, just get comfy. We’ll get to those in a minute.” It’s only a whisper, but he can see Miles revelling in it. Alex watches him wriggle his hips and stretch his legs, letting him take his time. It’s only once he looks like he’s as comfortable as he’s going to get in his state when Alex leans over him and presses another kiss to his lips. “Good,” he praises and holds up the blindfold. “I’m going to give this a try now, Miles, alreyt? If it turns out it’s not for you, you know the word.” He waits for Miles’ nod, then leans over him and carefully fits the elastic band over the back of Miles’ head. The velvety blindfold slides down over empty eyes and Miles tenses ever so slightly. “Al…”

Alex’ heart picks up speed, and he runs gentle fingers through Miles’ hair. “I’m here. It’s just so you can properly feel what I'm doing to you. Here, I’ll show you.” He reaches out and touches Miles’ shoulder, then slowly trails his finger downwards. He circles Miles’ right nipple with his index finger, then gently grazes the pad of his finger over the little nub, watching it harden. He laughs quietly and repeats the process on Miles’ left nipple. When he's satisfied with the result, he starts drawing an invisible pattern over Miles’ chest. taking his sweet time to just explore. He lets his eyes roam over Miles’ body shamelessly, traces his prominent abdominal muscles and his hipbones. A smile curls around Miles’ lips. “Tickles, Al.”

“Hmm?” Alex does it again, watching those muscles move under his fingers with fascination. Miles laughs and it’s the best sound he’s heard all day. “You’re fookin’ gorgeous, Miles,” he says, his voice warm. “Can’t believe I’ve you all to meself. You should see yerself.”

Miles doesn’t reply. Too soon, then. No matter what got Miles into this state, he’s clearly not in the mood to deal with compliments. It makes pride surge in Alex’s chest knowing that despite that, he undressed for Alex, folded his clothes and even let Alex scrutinise his appearance. “You’re summat else,” he murmurs, caressing Miles’ hair, before wrapping the strands around his fingers and pulling slightly. “Bein’ so good for me it’s unreal.”

Miles shifts his hips and shoulders a little, and Alex knows he has to pick up speed a bit. The last thing he wants to do is to give Miles the time to start feeling embarrassed, or worse, to give him time to think about what triggered him into this state.

He reaches for the cuffs, jingling them plenty as he moves over to Miles’ head and picks up one of Miles’ wrists. He makes quick work of fastening a cuff around it, threads the chain behind two headboard slats and finally fits Miles’ other wrist into the second cuff. “Fookin’ ‘ell,” he mutters. He’s never before taken the time to actually enjoy this himself - to actually _enjoy_ having a naked Miles at his mercy. He gets comfortable between Miles’ legs, ignoring his hard-on and focussing his attention on Miles’ neck and chest instead. He licks and nips and sucks, leaving marks as he pleases. Miles has always worn them proudly and something stirs in him at the thought of Miles’ leaving the house in a shirt with the buttons barely done up, the red bruises on his neck and chest there for all to see. He swears under his breath, realising for the first time that he’s still completely dressed as he feels himself grow hard against his trousers. He resists the urge to free himself of them. It’s one thing that Miles is completely naked and at his mercy; it’s another that Alex is hovering over him, still completely dressed. Miles may not be able to see it, but Alex makes sure he can feel the rough fabric of his trousers against his naked legs. He bites a nipple, harder than he dared to up until now, and chuckles as Miles gasps and squirms under him. “Good, eh?” he murmurs, before soothing the burn with a quick lick of his tongue. He repeats the process on the other side, eliciting a breathy, barely audible _Fuck_ from Miles’ chapped lips, and then, without any preamble, reaches out a hand to touch Miles’ cock. The touch is feathery light, but Miles’ hips buck up on their own accord and Miles sucks in a deep breath.

“No need to keep quiet,” Alex murmurs absently, wrapping his right hand around Miles’ hip and pushing it back into the mattress. He reaches for the bottle of massage oil on the nightstand and squirts some onto his hand, rubbing them together to warm it up. He uses one of his hands to cup Miles’ balls, just gently holding them for now as he moves his other hand to his cock, tracing teasing circles over the base of it as he uses is other hand to carefully massage his balls. Miles whimpers and presses his hips up. The jingle of the cuffs doesn’t surprise Alex; Miles loves to touch and Alex is fully aware that the only thing Miles wants right now is to pull him on top of him, switch places and fuck him into the mattress.

But Miles isn’t in charge tonight, and Alex isn’t in a hurry to go anywhere. They have all night. He wraps both hands around Miles’ cock this time, a small smile tugging on the corner of his lips, and moves one up and all the way over the head, while the other moves across his balls once more. Miles gasps and tries to press his legs together, but Alex stays seated between them and runs careful nails over the underside of his cock. Miles’ hips buck up and Miles throws his head back - it’s a beautiful sight and for a moment Alex is distracted. He watches Miles’ jaw go slack, intrigued, as he strokes his cock some more, and dips a playful finger down all the way to Miles’ perineum, feeling precum drip onto the hand around his cock.

“Look at you,” he murmurs, tearing his gaze away from Miles’ face, down his chest with the red love bites and to his leaking cock. “God, Miles. Can’t believe you’re all mine. _Fook_. Look at you.” He’s painfully hard himself now, straining against his boxer briefs and trousers, and he takes one hand off Miles to readjust himself. The relief is only temporary, but he can’t take his trousers off just yet. Instead he crouches down between Miles legs and takes the head of his cock into his mouth, wrapping soft lips around it and humming in unabashed delight. This is one of his favourite thing to do, no matter the role he takes on for the evening, if any role at all. He rests one hand on Miles’ hip, but lets him buck his hips up again either way, pressing his tongue against the underside of his cock and happily taking more of him.

“_Alex_. Jesus - are you trying to fuckin’ kill me over ‘ere?”

Alex chuckles, his mouth full of cock, and moves the oil-slick fingers of his right hand down to circle Miles’ hole. He knows it’ll make Miles nervous as he’s rarely on the receiving end, but Miles isn’t going to have a say in it tonight and he knows it. He stills for a second, his breath catching in his chest. Alex takes it easy. He just rubs his thumb over it, barely applying any pressure at all, and sucks Miles off nice and slow. Miles whines low in his throat. “Baby,” he babbles, “Alex. Baby, you need to -”

Alex pops his lips off Miles’ cock unceremoniously, earning himself a petulant “_Al_”, and clicks his tongue. “I don’t need to do anything, sweet'eart,” he says flatly. “You do, though. You’re going to just fookin’ lie here and take what I decide to give ye. Don’t get too eager. You won’t be coming any time soon after your little mishap earlier, so your best chances are to just lie back and let me have me way with you, eh?”

He can tell Miles is taken aback. He’s used to getting what he wants with a little pushing, courtesy of Alex’ usual insecurity, but Alex remembers exactly how hollow those eyes are behind that blindfold, and there’s no chance in hell he’s backing out early today. He’s in charge and he’s going to get Miles to the very end of it. He’s going to make Miles Miles again.

Miles swallows. “Al.” It’s a different kind of ‘Al’. It’s equally urgent, but not as clouded with lust. Alex doesn’t remove his fingers from between Miles’ legs, but he stills his movements and waits.

“We’re good, Al, right?” Miles mutters, and Alex can _see_ his heart thud against his chest. “We’re - You’re you, yeah?”

On any other day the insecurity in Miles’ voice would be enough to strip Alex of all his confidence as well, and for him to stop their games immediately. And he does hesitate, his heart jumping in his chest uncomfortably. They can’t stop. If they stop and he does a half-assed job at helping Miles get out of his head, Miles will feel even worse after. It’s happened before. He’s not going to let it happen again. He doesn’t withdraw his fingers, just leaves them there, resting between Miles legs, right on the spot that he intends to press them into in a bit. He swallows, then finds his voice.

“I’m me,” he assures Miles. “I’m me and you’re my priority, Miles, alreyt? But I also promised you I’d take you apart, so that’s what I’d like to do reyt now. I’m going to take yeh apart and tease yeh until you can't remember yer own name, baby.” He presses one finger against Miles’ hole until the tips of it slips in. Miles gasps and shakes his head.

“You’re alreyt,” Alex promises him. “You’re doing so good. _So _good, Miles.”

Miles nods once, and Alex smiles. “I’m so impressed with yeh,” he continues. “I’m - Yer doin' amazing. But you ‘ave to remember that I’m in charge, alreyt? And I think I'm going to suck yeh off some more, just because I enjoy it so much, and then I think I’ll fancy a quick, rough fuck, eh? You turn me on and I have yeh all to meself. It’d be a waste not to take all that I can get from yeh.” He presses his finger in further and crooks it slightly, watching Miles squirm under him. His cheeks have turned a bright shade of red and Alex hopes to God that he’s fully aware of how vulnerable and open he is. He pulls back and reaches for the lube, coating his fingers and Miles' hole with a generous amount, before carefully pressing in two digits. Miles keens through gritted teeth, and Alex rubs soothing circles into his thigh. “I’m not out to hurt ye,” he promises. “Not like this, anyway. You still have to pay for forgetting to keep your ‘ands to yerself earlier. That might hurt a little, but I know you can take it, luv. I want yeh to feel completely owned by the end of the night, Miles. I know that’s what you need reyt now and don’t even try tellin’ me otherwise, eh?”

Miles doesn’t bother trying to tell him anything at all. He sinks back into the mattress and pillows and lets his mouth fall open again. Alex wishes he could see if those eyes are still as empty, but the last thing he wants to do right now is take away the blindfold. If Miles is anything like him, the strip of black velvet has turned into a safety blanket by now and taking it off Miles out of the blue isn’t Alex’s idea of fun. “Answer me question, babe,” he murmurs, and Miles sighs.

“I won’t, Al. Sorry.”

Alex rewards him by wrapping his lips around his cock again. He goes down on Miles with fervour, suckling and licking, and lapping Miles’ precum off his skin. All the while, he tries his best to open Miles up as well as he can. He’s definitely out to hurt Miles a little later, but not like this, never like this. Miles’ chest is glimmering with a layer of sweat, and he’s writhing amidst damp sheets, his hair sticking to his forehead. When he starts to buck his hips up frantically, Alex pops his lips off again. Miles falls back into the mattress with a disappointed cry, trying to close his legs again as Alex’s fingers still open him up. “It’s not fuckin’ funny anymore, Al, fuckin’ _please_.”

Alex swats his thigh lightly. “None of that. This is for me. You don’t get to come, gorgeous. Not until much, much later. Not until I’ve had me turn.” He finally pulls his fingers back, then, and sighs in relief when he zips his trousers open and pushes his underwear down to his thighs. He props a pillow under Miles’ hips as an afterthought, coats his own cock with plenty of lube, and then lines himself up with Miles’ hole. Miles is holding his breath, tense despite it all, and so is Alex. His cock twitches with need and it takes all he has in him to not just slide all the way in. He intends to give it to Miles hard, that’s one thing that’s for sure, but he eases himself in slowly, gritting his teeth as he holds onto the base of his cock.

“Should’ave worn one of those rings you like to put on me when the roles are reversed,” he complains through gritted teeth. “You’re too fookin’ sexy.”

Miles chuckles warily. He’s taking Alex beautifully and Alex’ heart thumps with unadulterated pride. He stops once he’s all the way in and pushes Miles’ legs apart just a little more. The chain, his chain, around Miles' neck catches his eye, and he tangles his fingers in it, pulling it taut. Miles utters a string of moans and curses that encourage Alex to do exactly what he wants: He pulls back and then drives his hips home again, his balls slapping against Miles’ arse. “There we go,” he pants. “Fuckin’ hell, Miles, babe, I always forget how tight you are. Should do this more often. Just - lay you down, tie you up and have me wicked way with ya.” He slams in again, setting a fast, shallow rhythm that isn’t intended for Miles to gain anything from it, except of course he does. Miles writhes and moans under him, sweat beading on his forehead as he takes Alex’s brutal pace.

Alex’s orgasm approaches much to soon for his liking, but he just goes with it, reminding himself that Miles needs more from him, that Miles isn’t crying yet and that today, he really wants to see Miles cry. He comes with a guttural moan, driving his cock deep into Miles with a last, unforgiving trust as the fire that’s built in the pit of his stomach explodes. Miles swears loudly as Alex empties himself deep into him, and Alex's lips part in a silent moan, a blissful smile curling around them. “Miles, baby,” he breathes, reluctantly drawing back from that tight heat. “_Fook._ Look at you. You were so _fookin’ _good for me, letting me make you mine like that. That’s impressive, that is.”

Miles whimpers and Alex takes him in curiously, leaning forward slightly. “You look used,” he observes, pressing a gentle kiss to Miles collarbone. “Owned. And that’s because you are, yeah? That’s because you’re mine.” He’s surprised by the vehemence in his own voice. He’s never been this into it; he’s never been so convinced that he’s doing a good job with Miles. He’s never been able to turn Miles into his before, not like this.

Miles sniffs. He’s still rock hard and sweat is beading on his forehead and chest. “Al,” he murmurs. "Aly, Alex.”

“I know, babe,” Alex whispers. “But I’m sure you remember what I told ye. You have a bit of way to go before I can make you feel good again.”

Miles just nods, giving into his fate. It makes Alex smile in surprise. He wipes himself off with one of the cloths on the nightstand and tosses it into a corner of the room, then pulls his underwear up again and zips his trousers back up. He sits down on the edge of the bed, by Miles head, and caresses his damp forehead. “I’m going to get rid of the cuffs, but I want you to move only when I tell you to. No games.”

Miles scoffs. Even with the blindfold hiding his eyes he looks far too worn out for games. Alex carefully takes the cuffs away, helping Miles move his arms to his sides again and carefully massaging the slightly darker skin circling his wrists. He almost feels bad for what he’s planning on doing next. Almost.

“Sit up, Miles.”

Miles groans, but he does as he’s told. Alex steadies him with a hand on his bicep. “There ya go,” he mutters. “Now, you’re going to lie down over my lap, eh? Don’t worry, I’ll help you find yer way here.” He does as he says, carefully helping Miles clamber over the bed and onto Alex lap, his legs stretched out behind him on the bed and his cock pressed into Alex’s legs. He moves his hips experimentally, earning himself a quick swat. “No,” Alex mutters and Miles stills. “That’s what I thought,” Alex says, but he’s smiling smugly. “You just get comfy, because you’ll be here a while, babe. I don’t want you to count, I don’t want any theatrical bullshit. I just want you to feel this. I want you to realise what you get for not listening to me.”

Alex rubs his bum gently, warming him up, and Miles tenses up. “Relax,” Alex tells him. “It’s going to hurt either way, baby.” Miles doesn’t relax and Alex is well aware how hard it is to do so when in his position, so he doesn’t ask again.

He lands the first swat on Miles’ left buttock, followed by one on the exact same spot, making Miles cry out. Alex watches him curl in on himself, out of shame or pain, or a combination of the two. He lies a hand on Miles’ lower back and pushes him back down, making sure to press hard enough to create a little friction between his legs and Miles’ cock.

“_Al_,” Miles mutters. He sounds a little insecure, but Alex isn’t planning on stopping. Never has he been this sure of what to do in the bedroom. Never has he been this aware of what Miles needs. And so he goes for it. He lets the blows rain down in quick succession of each other, ignoring the sting in his hand and the stream of steady whimpers and cries that leave Miles’ lips. He doesn’t give him any encouragement, doesn’t bother with any endearments, just raps out a volley of stinging blows, careful to not adhere to any particular pattern or rhythm, keeping Miles on his toes. Miles’ legs kick out awkwardly behind him and Alex lets him, all the while keeping an iron grip on his waist. Miles’ skin takes on a dark hue of red and then, just as Alex starts to suspect it will never happen, Miles lets out a deep, heart wrenching sob. He’s practically vibrating in Alex’s lap now, and Alex - biting his lip as tears prick in his own eyes - keeps it up, albeit with a little less force now. He watches Miles rub his blindfolded eyes against his forearm, as if to wipe away the tears, and soon he’s crying soundlessly into the duvet, his back shivering and his confused half-hard cock pressed into Alex’s thigh.

Alex presses his lips tightly together. He knows that this is what he set out to do, but seeing Miles like this makes him feel terrible about himself. Miles has done this to him more often than he can count on one hand, but this is different somehow. For a moment, he feels like he got it all wrong. But then Miles’ sobs get louder again, and he tries to curl in on himself and around Alex, and Alex is pulled from his thoughts. He finishes with a last few smacks, making sure to keep his hand steady and as he hits Miles right on the sensitive spot just above his thighs, then pulls his hand back altogether. Miles doesn't cry out this time; he just sobs into the duvet and moves one hand away from under his head to reach backwards. Alex doesn't miss a beat; he clasps a gentle hand around Miles's. He waits for a moment, then uses his other hand to run gentle fingers over Miles’ buttocks, signalling that it’s all over and done with.

“You did so good,” he whispers, eliciting another heart-wrenching sob from what seems to be the very depths of Miles’ chest. Miles curls up as well as he can with Alex under him, and Alex rubs his back soothingly before slowly helping him back up, laying him down onto his side and wrapping himself around him as tightly as he can manage. He wraps his legs around Miles’s, tucks Miles’ head under his chin and gently presses his leg to Miles’ cock, giving him some friction if he wants it. Miles doesn’t look particularly interested in getting off at this point though, and Alex holds him as he cries.

“Baby. Hey. You’re not going to like what I’m about to say,” he whispers after a little while of just lying there together, “but I’m going to take the blindfold away from you now. I want to see you. Say a few things to you.”

Miles head jerks up in what Alex supposes is a nod. He reaches out an arm and wraps it tightly around Alex. Alex lets him. “Close your eyes,” he whispers. “You know how it is, you always tell me, too - the lights are on, you’re not used to that reyt now.” He waits for the second nod, then carefully uses both hands to ease the blindfold off again. Miles' eyes are so tightly shut that his forehead is creased. Alex runs his fingers over the wrinkled skin, watching Miles relax a little again, and then clasps a careful hand over Miles tear-streaked eyes. He looks a complete mess, but Alex hasn’t seen him be this calm all evening. He hopes it’s a good sign.

“You can open your eyes now,” he whispers. “I’m going to just let you get used to the light, babe, okay? There’s no rush. If I’m going too fast, tell me.”

Miles lets out a tired little laugh that sounds much more like a sob. “Just do it,” he croaks. “Need to see ya, Al. Fuckin’ let me see ya, I’m fuckin’ serious.”

Alex breath catches in his throat. He can’t back down now, though. He has no choice but to see it through. It shouldn’t matter that Miles is naturally dominant. Alex is the one in charge now, and this is the time to put the pieces back together again. Now would be the worst possible time to take the easy way out.

He spreads his fingers slightly, letting Miles get used to the light as he used his free arm to press them close together. Miles is still crying soundlessly and Alex rubs his back. “You’re alreyt,” he whispers. “I’m going to take away me hand now, maybe close your eyes again if you need to. You can open them whenever you’re ready.” He does as he said and watches Miles’ eyes blink open slowly. They’re red from all the crying, but Alex doesn’t have the time to let that make him feel guilty. Miles’ hold on him tightens as they look at each other, and Alex notices that his pupils are wide, the irises barely visible. Alex wonders if the way Miles looks at him now is similar to the way Alex usually looks at him after an evening like this. He hopes it is, because he’s never seen such unadulterated adoration and need in anyone’s eyes, and Miles deserves having someone look at him like that, too.

He looks more than a little far away, too, and Alex lays a gentle hand against his cheek. “I’ve - ” And then, for the first time that night, he isn’t sure what to say. Miles can’t help but smile through his tears at that, but he doesn’t say anything. He just moves closer, never breaking eye-contact, and Alex smiles, too. “I’ve never experienced anything like this,” he then says. “I’m so proud of you, Miles. You were amazing. You were incredible.”

Miles just stares at him, big-eyed, soaking up Alex’s words, so Alex gives him some more. “I’m so proud of you,” he repeats, because really, that’s the most important thing. “Just - let it out, okay? You’re in safe ‘ands. You’ve done so well, Miles, baby. I’m so - I don’t even have the words to tell you how much it means to me that you trust me like that. I’m so lucky to ‘ave ya. I can’t believe it. Can’t believe I have you in my arms reyt now. You were so good. You were brilliant.”

Somehow, that brings on another wave of sobs, but it’s fine. Miles breaks eye contact and tucks his head under Alex’s chin again, crying unashamedly into Alex’s shoulder. Alex decides to take a chance. “Do you want to tell me what’s gotten you in such a dark place, Miles?” he asks, making sure not to loosen his hold on him. “I might be able to help yeh with it if I know.”

Miles ignores him in favour of pressing his lips to Alex’ neck and wipes his tears away without moving his head from its spot under Alex’s chin. Alex can feel fresh tears drip onto his shirt. He watches Miles reach back and touch the red marks on his behind. “That was - ” He breathes out a laugh. “Fuck Al, I had no idea you had that in you. Thought you’d never fuckin’ stop. And then I thought I might ask for more when you finally did.”

“You’ve had enough,” Alex mutters. He tightens his hold on Miles and Miles presses his cock to his thigh in a silent question. Alex lets one hand travel downwards and wraps careful fingers around it, letting Miles thrust into his hand. They fall into a steady but unhurried rhythm. Miles’ limbs remain relaxed and he pulls his face back from its hiding place by Alex’s shoulder to watch him again. Alex smiles at him, leans forward to press their lips together in a long, wet kiss, and then Miles is coming all over his hand and trousers. There’s no sound, he’s completely out of sounds, and he just sinks into Alex’s hold again as soon as the aftershocks have left his body. Alex wipes away the last of his tears and kisses him with all he has left in him, loving the feeling of Miles melting in his embrace.

Alex doesn’t want to let go, but when goosebumps start to form on Miles’ arms, he reluctantly untangles their legs and arms, and sits up. Miles shakes his head, those dark eyes full of that same need Alex saw before he covered Miles’ eyes. It breaks Alex’s heart all over again. “Just a minute,” he promises. “I’m not leaving the room. Just getting you your pyjamas.” He helps Miles sit up and hands him the glass of water from the nightstand. “I’d like you to try and drink the whole thing,” he says. “No rush. Just try.” Miles nods once, clearly less than happy with this turn of events, and Alex can feel his eyes on his back as he finally gets out of bed. He finds two tracksuit bottoms and T-shirts, setting the softest garments aside for Miles and exchanging his own clothes for the other two. Miles never takes his eyes off him. Not when Alex tucks the handcuffs, the lube, the oil and the blindfold away into the nightstand drawer again and not when he takes out a bottle of lotion.

“Put this on, please,” he tells Miles, handing him the T-shirt and watching him don it wordlessly. Alex helps him lie down on his stomach and squirts a generous amount of lotion onto his hand, which he proceeds to slowly work into Miles’ bruised skin. Miles hisses, but there’s no venom beneath the sound. He just relaxes into his pillow and lets Alex look after him. He doesn’t protest when Alex finally helps him into his tracksuit bottoms, nor does he bother saying anything when Alex hands him the now half empty glass of water. He drains it with shaky hands and lets Alex take it off him again.

“You wanna lie down?” Alex mutters. Now that it’s over, he can feel his brain going back into its usual state again, grabbing onto each and every insecurity about the night along the way. Miles watches him through bleary eyes and nods, taking on his previous position with his head tucked under Alex’s chin. Alex wraps the duvet around them. He feels warmer now, and the goosebumps on Miles’ arms seem to have disappeared as well. He rubs Miles’ arm nervously, up until Miles reaches up to stop him.

“Thank you, Al,” he whispers. “I’ve a feelin’ I won’t be very eloquent for a couple hours to come, but this is what I needed from ya.”

Alex nods once. “I figured you did.” He manages to keep the slight tremor that really wants to be in his voice out of it.

“It were good,” Miles murmurs, probably fully aware despite the state he’s in that Alex is more than a little worried. “For days I’ve felt like I couldn’t move, couldn’t fuckin’ talk, like I were locked up in me own head and…” He shrugs a shoulder. “Thanks, Al. Thank you.”

“Thanks for letting me do that to you,” Alex mutters. “It was amazing to get to take you there. I’ve never felt anything like it before.”

Miles chuckles dryly. “Don’t think I’ll be lettin’ ya do it regularly. Still more your thing to be over someone’s knee, isn’t it.”

Alex’ cheeks may or may not turn a slightly darker shade at that, but luckily for him Miles seems quite contented to have his face pressed against Alex’s chest for now. He wipes at his eyes some more, even though there are no more tears, and Alex presses a kiss into his hair. “Will you tell me what happened to you?” he asks.

Miles shrugs his shoulders. “Tomorrow,” he promises. “Tonight I want to just enjoy this. I want to feel all of this, Al, okay? Just - ” Alex runs his fingers through the hair at the back of Miles’ neck, tugging gently, and Miles sighs. “Just take me phone off me for a bit. I think I’ve found out the hard way why you still own one from the stone age.”

“Miles.” Alex presses his lips together. His heart hurts for Miles. “Do I need to beat someone up for you?”

Miles croaks out a laugh. “That’d be somethin’,” he murmurs, his voice muffled as his lips graze Alex’s chest. “Just take me phone away for a bit. That’s all.”

“I could,” Alex mutters, putting on his best indignant voice. “You may laugh all you want, but I’m stronger than I let on.”

“I got the memo,” Miles chuckles, reaching behind him again and carefully touching his arse. Alex lets out a nervous little laugh.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t ever apologise for making me feel that good, babe. Just - you’ve got to stay close for a bit now is all.”

“I weren’t going anywhere,” Alex mutters, and this time he really is offended. “I’m makin’ yeh breakfast in the morning, and I’m making sure you get out of the house for a bit. I’ll hide your phone for yeh. I’m not going anywhere. Just - ” he gives another gentle tug on Miles’ hair, and Miles finally pulls his face away from his chest, looking up at him in question.

“Tell me?” Alex tries again, but Miles shakes his head.

“Tomorrow,” he murmurs. He brings up a hand to toy with Alex’s chain around his neck. “Let me just be yours tonight, eh? Let’s just be us, let’s just hide. Like back in the day when we shared your bunk on the tour bus. Let’s just pretend everythin’s fine. I’ll start dealing with shit when I wake up.”

“Okay,” Alex says.

“Okay. Now turn off the lights and spoon me, pretty please.”

Alex can’t help but laugh at that. He turns off the bedside lamps, waits until Miles has turned around and gotten comfortable, and wraps an arm securely around his waist. He has a feeling that tomorrow isn’t going to be as easy as Miles makes it sound right now, but he knows he’s right. It’s best to just bask in the afterglow and let Miles come back to himself on his own terms. After all, it’s a lot easier to deal with whatever’s going on when you aren’t cooped up in your apartment alone, losing bits and pieces of yourself in every room and having your brain grind to a stuttering halt each time you try to communicate with someone else. Alex has been there plenty of times and he’s painfully aware that he can help Miles pick up the pieces and glue them back together again, but it’s Miles who’s going to have to do the work tomorrow. He’s going to have to eat breakfast, go outside, get in touch with his friends and catch up on some well-earned sleep. It’s Miles who’s going to have to open up about what got him here to begin with.

For now however, Miles seems completely unconcerned with what’s to come. He’s made sure his back is pressed flush against Alex’s chest and has a tight hold on the arm that’s wrapped around his waist. His breathing has gone back to normal, and the rise and fall of his chest feels familiar to Alex once more. He’ll be fine. Alex knows he’ll be fine in the end. He just wishes it hadn’t come to this point to begin with.


End file.
